Attention: All Our Cat Tenants, namely Marbol Pusbahay, Daggee Pusbahay, and Gellan Pusbahay
Subject: Proper Scratching Places
It has come to my attention that the living room sofa has sustained extensive damages due to multiple, unrestrained scratchings over the past weeks. I have also received complaints of numerous perforations made on the queen-sized mattress that could only be attributed to claws of climbing quadrupeds. I have noted, too, with much consternation, that the foam in my bed is starting to fall off due to your relentless onslaught.
Please note that I have already donated, for your scratching pleasure, the rubber puzzle mats that I formerly used for exercise since I don’t have time to do that now. These mats have been placed at strategic places to curb your desire to mutilate the sofa and the beds. However, your use of such mats has been inconsistent, and you’re often caught with your paws on the aforementioned banned areas.
I understand that you prefer classic wood over cheap rubber for sharpening your claws and releasing your frustrations over the blockheadedness of humans. Please understand, however, that high-grade scratching-post wood is hard to come by in the city, unless you opt for plastic.
Arrangements will be made, charged to my expense account, for shipment of a real wooden scratching post, sturdy but of cork-like texture so as not to hurt your delicate paws, to be imported from my provincial hometown 410 kilometers away. The said wooden post will serve a double purpose as your climbing “tree,” since you all have this habit of trying to jump to every high place you discover and reach, a habit that is laudable except that objects get toppled over and I continually fear for the CPU perched on its makeshift stand. (I shall address this matter in another memo, for the list of your offenses is long.)
I’d like to think that you have been wreaking havoc to my place innocently and by instinctual need, not out of any malice towards me, I who have taken you in six months ago to save you from getting run over by cars in the common garage, a fate that befell your predecessors (and heaven forbid, your mom because she seems to have disappeared).
I repeat: Please scratch only on the mats designated for that purpose. I will not hesitate to employ the full force of the water squirter (the only tool that seems to work) against you if you keep to this bad habit.
I and the rest of the human occupants of this dwelling would also like to impose certain sanctions against any further serious violations of this rule, such as but not limited to:
- Very minor offense (3 instances of misplaced scratching in a day): Violator will be given an unscheduled bath without the benefit of warm water; bathwater will be administered straight via the water squirt.
- Mild offense (6 instances in a day, stubbornly clinging to the sofa fabric despite warning squirts): An untimely bath because feline involved won’t let go; violator will be fed cheap, tasteless cat food for an entire week.
- Grave offense (8 or more instances in a day, stubborness and biting/scratching the human): previous two punishments, plus snubbing by the human whom the guilty feline approaches for the customary feline adoration sessions.
Cat tenants who commit repeated grave offenses in 3 consecutive months will be considered for giving away to non-cat lovers who are meow-illiterate cat-cuteness-blind doggy-types, who only see a furry four-footed mousecatcher when they see a cat, and who don’t know how give a cat proper respect and a proper bath.
For your strict compliance.
By Management


